My Confessions

Ok. I need to confess. The last few weeks have been very hard on me. From the moment I found out about this annoying little tumor that has taken refuge on my liver, I have been in a type of zombie existence. The last few weeks I have cried until I had absolutely no tears left in my eyes. I have even gotten so depressed that I have recently sought counseling. To be honest, that has helped me alot. I'm not the type to likes to go to the "shrink" but I really had no other options. I am feeling better, and I have done alot of research on hepatic adenomas (liver tumor,benign) and I'm feeling pretty good about my condition now. It is only a benign tumor, just a little annoying spot. I have to keep telling myself that. And I have to stop shutting people out. But anyway, I figured if I just talked about it here, then I can get some peace, by just getting it off my chest. But to be honest, no matter what, I AM SO SCARED. I have never been so scared in my life. I honestly believe I am a great, Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. I have given so much to anyone who has asked me for anything. Even if I did get screwed by them in the end, I would still help them. That, and the fact that I am only 22 years old, just makes me ask why me? I'm not an alcoholic nor a drug addict, nor have I ever been. So why my liver? I think about this and then I just try to remember that there is a reason for everything. Maybe I was a good person, but I took my life or family for granted maybe? Maybe this is something to make me open my eyes and realize how lucky I am, and that life is SO precious, so I should appreciate it alot more?

I have alot of questions, but basically it comes down to Everything happens for a reason. And I believe it does.

Ok, so this really wasn't a confession, but mostly just getting my feelings out of my body so they don't build up and explode. I'll be ok, God will make sure of that. I have so much to be thankful for.

MissMissy

Huh?

I'm pretty bored today. Lets get political for a moment, kay? Ok, so did you watch the Miss America pageant? Well, even if you didn't, like me, then you have heard about the latest controversy. Miss California was asked by Perez Hilton basically if she believed in Gay marriage. Well, her answer was that she is glad that we live in a country where we can choose, but her personal opinion is that marriage should be between a man and woman. Sounds like a pretty reasonable answer to me, but NO, the poor girl has been harrassed ever since.

Now. Let me say, I am all for rights for gays. Not just rights for gays, but for EVERYONE. But my personal opinion too, is that marriage is for a man and a woman. Sorry, its just the way I feel. Its America, everyone should be free to their own opinion, right?

Apparently not. It really pisses me off that in todays society, you are actually being called a bigot, or some other crap just because you have certain beliefs. Thats a bunch of bullshit. Once again, I am all for gay rights, no one should be discriminated against. But I'll be DAMNED if just because I have a different opinion, than that just makes me a piece of shit red neck. COME ON! This is America, not Iraq. Get a grip people. Thats all.

Not feeling good, sorry for lack of updates.

Sorry for any bad spelling, I really don't care too much right now. All of my liver tests came back normal. So all of thats okay. But to be honest I've had some stupid shit to deal with lately involving a certain in-law,so I'm pissed, and sick to my stomach with disgust. I will try to update soon, but next week I have finals, so I'm trying to study but, with all of the BULLSHIT that is going on in my life right now it's hard to even concentrate. Wish I could tell you more of whats going on, but right now I can't. I'm not even making sense to myself right now, lol, so I'll be back soon.

Hello

As you may have noticed, I have not posted for a while. And my friends from SBD chat I'm sure have noticed that I have not been there for some time. Well, I just wanted to let you know what is going on. Those of you who are on my myspace know this already, but I have went through a quite life changing situation. I will begin with a few weeks ago when I started having extreme pain in my abdomen, along with alot of hemoraging. An ambulance was called and I was taken to the hospital, I don't remember much as I had been given morphene, so most of it was a blur, but basically was told I had pulled a muscle..ok. So when I got home about two days later I was still in agonizing pain, so my husband drove me to a different ER about 40 miles away. Thankfully they were alot more attentive, and did just about every exam you could think of. It turns out I had an infection in my uterus that had spread unto all of my female organs. But it was completely treatable with antibiotics, which I have to be on for three weeks, with compltelt bedrest. But thats not all that was found....

Before I was discharged to go home, the ER doctor told me that a spot was found in my liver at 18mm long, and called a hemangioma, which they said is basically just a benign spot that will never cause any problems, but to see my family doc in two days. So two days later I was in my doctors office and he assured me that is was just a hemangioma, basically not a tumor, but to think of it as a "birth mark" on my liver, but just in case, he was going to send me for another CT scan, focusing only on my liver. I was given contrast dye through an IV and it wasnt all that bad, just the waiting. Well, three days later at about 6 pm, I got a call from the nurse, saying that the doctor was sorry, but he was wrong, and that it is not a hemangioma, and that he is sending me to a Gastrointologist. Well that was the worst shock of my life. I immediatly thought LIVER CANCER, and went on the internet searching, and found that only 5 percent or so of people diagnosed with liver cancer live within a year. I cried and cried for days and shut out the whole world, seeing my 4 and 1 year old without a mother just broke me into pieces. I mean, I'm only 22, so what the hell? Well, I just seen the GI doctor yesterday, and have got some good news. Him, and another one of his co workers both looked at my CT scan, and while it is not a hemangioma, it is an Adanoma. Which is still benign! Meaning no cancer!!!! They said that it was caused by taking birth control pills for so long, and is quite common. SO I am so relieved now, and hopefully like will go back to normal. Both doctors said that while this is technically a "tumor" on my liver, they are more than 99 percent sure it is non cancerous. They did take some liver enzyme tests, which we are waiting for, and they want to do an ultrasound on my liver next wed. just to match it with the CT scan, but are positive its nothing so worry about.

Sorry so long, just wanted you all to know what was going on, and that I was not ignoring anyone. So, everything is ok now, and when all the tests come back, I will post an update.

WHY?

This is the only day in a while that I have been crying as I sit and write this blog. I have been an advocate for missing, and murdered children now, since the Caylee Anthony case. And never thought that any case would actually happen to someone I know. I was informed a few minutes ago that the woman, a very close friend of mine, who had trained me when I worked at my last job about 9 months ago was severly beaten by her husband. Her husband then turned a gun on their two year old son and shot and killed him. And then turned the gun on himself. This happened I hear, around 3 am this morning. I have not yet spoken to my friend, and I am hearing she is refusing to go to the hospital. I remember meeting her son, he was about the same age as my daughter, and he was beautiful. I just don't understand how you could be fighting with your wife, and then just kill your own son, and your self, because youre upset over the mother. I'm having a hard time with this. I ask that you please pray for this woman. Here is the article on the story from our local news.

Murder/Suicide in Ghent Ky.
Police are investigating a domestic violence call that turned into a murder-suicide Friday night.Crews were called to the 300 block of Campbell Road just after 9:30pm. When they searched the residence, police found 37 year old Ralph Utley and his 2 and 1/2 year old son unresponsive.Initial investigations reveal this to be a murder-suicide. Autopsies will be performed later today to determine cause of death on both victims.

Have you seen him?

CHRISTIAN EMMANUELLE COLON
Case Type: Hague Case

DOB: Dec 23, 2003
Sex: Male
Missing Date: Apr 20, 2006
Race: Hispanic
Age Now: 5
Height: 3'0" (91 cm)
Missing City: CUMMING
Weight: 35 lbs (16 kg)
Missing State : GA
Hair Color: Black
Missing Country: United States
Eye Color: Brown
Case Number: NCMC1042636
The child is missing from Cumming, Georgia. He is believed to be in Mexico. Christian has birthmarks on his chest and right arm. His father has applied for the return of the child to the United States under the international civil treaty: The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Do not pick up based on this information.

Have you seen her?

Rion Lofgren

Missing Since 12/30/2008

Rion Lofgren is a 13-year-old girl who is 5'4" (163 cm) and weighs 130 lbs (59 kg). She lives near Lynwood,WA

Rion may be in the company of two males. They may still be in the local area or they may travel out of state. Rion's nose is pierced. When she was last seen, her hair was dyed black.

If you have any information regarding Rion Lofgren, please contact:

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

800-843-5678 (800-THE-LOST)
The case number for Rion Lofgren is: NCMC1113337